- I' m very well, thank you -

Unknown author

There is simply nothing the matter with me,
Iím as rudely healthy as I can be,
Iíve got arthritis in both my knees
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze,
My pulse is weak and my blood is thin,
But ÖIím awfully well for the shape that Iím in.

Sleep is denied me, night after night,
But every morning I find Iím all right.
My memoryís failing, my headís in a spin
But Iím awfully well for the shape that Iím in.

Old age is golden, Iíve oft heard it said,
But sometimes I think as I get into bed,
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
My eyes on a table until I get up,
Ere sleep overtakes me I say to myself,
ĎIs there anything else I could lay on the shelf?í

The moral is this, as my tale I unfold
That for you and for me who are now getting old
Itís better to say ĎIím fineí with a grin
Than to let the folks witness the shape we are in.

A man is not old when his hair goes grey,
A man is not old when his teeth decay,
He is ready for his long, long sleep
When his mind makes appointments which his body canít keep.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
And pick up the paper and read the Ďobitsí
If my name is still missing I know I'm not dead,
So I finish my breakfast and go back to bed.